Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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