No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
