you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
