Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
