She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
