Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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