How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
