I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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