You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
