Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
