Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
