Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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