I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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