dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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