If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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