How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
