K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
should my penis look like a turkey
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
