I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
