Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
