Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
