I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
