maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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