areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Couch. On fire.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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