DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
