First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
