you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
