He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
