Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When are your genitals available?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
