she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
