I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i barfeds in our rink
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
