I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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