I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
