At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My life is pants optional.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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