he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I need moral support for this bender
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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