You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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