they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
