I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
