New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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