Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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