i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
