I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
