Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
