By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
