just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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