I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
