i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
