He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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