You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
