Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
