i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
