I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
