I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
