85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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