I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
