Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
