So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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