i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
