Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
