pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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