dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
