Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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